Vision, understanding and freedom (Extract)

II.H Face to face with the truth

One day when I woke up, I felt a strong internal fatigue, as if I had no strength despite having slept well and long enough. And I felt good.

I suddenly felt like a head-on collision was taking place with something inside me. As if suddenly something in me, that was moving at immense speed, collided head-on against a wall. An immovable and impregnable wall. My mind was simply blank. There were no thoughts, there were no emotions, there was nothing. Only infinite silence. An immeasurable vastness. A total void. Total darkness. As if the dark universe pervaded everything. I was attracted to that irrestible force and at the same time felt immersed in the all consuming nothingness. It was like a total universal force. I just, without warning, suddenly experienced this. It inexplicably just happened.

My body was foreign to me. It moved, did what it had to do, walked, talked, fulfilled the day's obligations, but it was oblivious to me. I was not the body. And the body was like a kind of image that I saw just like everything else (cars, houses, other bodies, tables, etc.). Everything functioned as in a kind of mechanical game. As if they were characters or dolls. Everything gleamed in a light that shone from within everything. But everything was foreign to me. I was nothing like that. There was no connection between this image and me. I saw everything. The body did not move more than necessary. It could not fully move. It just said what it had to say, and did the least it needed to do. There was nothing that was extra in the movements of the body. It was like nothing I had ever seen. The bodies, the objects, everything, was foreign to me.

Somehow I was all that, in which I suddenly found myself. I was that everything, and somehow that everything was me. I looked and saw everyday things but had no familiarity with anything. When passing a place, going to a meeting in the car, I saw how I had already gone through that place before, and how I had already been in the place where I was going to, even before having arrived. I had already experienced everything before it actually happened.

I saw the circumstances in which my death would take place and its very moment. It was a vision of peace. The voices of the people could be heard with the body perfectly well, but in a deafening way. I had nothing to do with any of these things. I was oblivious to everything. That night I was in the same state; feeling one with everything with a sense of being the whole universe itself. A kind of universality that knows everything, something like the truth itself. Somehow I don't know how one knows, that what one had experienced was a collision with the truth. Suddenly I crashed, or my mind crashed, with that something, everything, which is as if it were the truth itself, because it knows everything and sees all without seeing it.

In that universal something, with which I suddenly collided head-on at a speed that is unmatched by anything I have ever experienced before, I felt or experienced nothing. Inwardly, at the time of the head-on collision, it was as if one were driving a car at extremely high speed, traveling on a serene road, and suddenly there was a curve. It takes the curve at the same rapid speed and when veering it simply slams head-on against an immovable wall, and one goes into that wall and becomes part of that same wall.

Then there was nothing. Nothing existed. The silence was total. Total emptiness. An absolute emptiness. Nothing inside. Nothing outside. Nothing at all. And in that nothingness, I felt that it was also everything. And something in me, as if it were in my very nature, made me not want to leave that nothingness. I was that nothingness. And there was an irrestible force that made me feel like I was everything in that nothingness. Nothingness and I were the same thing, and somehow that nothingness was everything and I experienced how everything was me. Because I felt I was everything, I felt I was each single body and object too. Although I was all things at the same time, all things were totally foreign to me

The bodies were foreign to me and I was foreign to everything. That life that I saw, the bodies and the things, were not alive, they were only part of a constructed scene. It was like a work that was going on, but that I observed from far away. So far away that it was totally alien to me. And I didn't experience anything when observing. Like as if one simply observed from a distance how the trees sway in the wind.

You are not the tree, nor are you involved in it, was the conscious thought I experienced. And I felt an absolute integrity that pervaded everything. Everything was silent, nothingness, and peace. For fourteen days I remained in this state uninterrupted.

II.I Light of true light

Throughout the day and almost without interruption, I observed how everything that was seen with my eyes was covered in a beautiful glowing light. Everything being illuminated. Coming to know, that light is the same light that we all share with every created thing. Colors sparkle, and people light up and radiate a beauty, that I don't know how to really describe in words. It is as if that light and beauty accompanies everyone but some do not realize that it is within them. As if one saw that everyone is happy, only that some do not realize it. All things are made of a very crystalline crystal full of light and bright colors that gives peace to the eye. There is sheer beauty, light and joy. Everything exudes happiness. I was given to understand the following: that every creature, that is, every created thing, reflects the light of the true Light that is the source of life, just as the stars and the moon do not shine with their own light but receive it from the sun. God is like the sun that illuminates every being. This is creation, light of life made to be. And this light shines in everything that exists.

Likewise, I was given to understand that the light that my eyes contemplate and the beauty that shines, as well as the immense peace and stillness that flows, are the reflection of my own light. For it is still a perception and not the truth itself, but is the prelude to the vision of true light. That reflected light is the light of the beauty of the soul that everyone can see inside. So we should not be afraid to look inside ourselves. Indeed, the fear of looking inside is just the ego’s strategy of deceit to prevent us from seeing our holiness. The lie whispers to us that we are miserable and sinful, but the truth tells us: look inside yourself, look for me in yourself, because the lie, the fear, which is the enemy of love, is afraid that when you look inside you will see that you are truly holy. That alone, is the cause of the resistance that many experience not to look inside themselves. Don't be afraid to look inside, because I tell you that you will find the image and likeness of God, that is, your beauty. You are the beloved son and daughter.